Friday, February 28, 2014
What are you waiting for
Why Those Who Help You Plant a Church Leave So Early
By Dave Page
I had a dream of having friends I started the church with go the distance with me serving as ministry partners for forty years and then riding together off into the sunset much like Billy Graham has done with Cliff Barrows and George Beverly Shea. It didn’t happen.
Here’s what I know: Those who start the journey with you seldom finish with you. In the church planting world I call this principle THE LAW OF SCAFFOLDING. The people you start the church with are not the people you grow the church with. This is one of the hardest lessons I had to learn as a church planter. I am a highly relational person – a people person. I enjoy people and working together as a team to see changed lives. It was emotionally painful for me anytime somebody left the church. However, part of the process of growth was learning the law of scaffolding.
In the late 1800’s Missiologist John Nevius once referred to missionaries to China as “scaffolds” to be removed when the building was established. Scaffolding is a temporary structure used to support people and material in the construction or repair of buildings. It must eventually be dismantled and removed from the building.
In church planting scaffolding refers to believers in the core group that God uses to help build the early structure of the church body. They are compelled by a vision of starting something new from scratch. Most of them are early members of the new church that transferred in from other local churches to help get the church off the ground. Once the church grows and becomes sustainable these pioneers normally move on to do it again somewhere else.
SWAT (Servants Willing and Temporary) workers are a unique type of scaffolding. SWAT workers are believers on loan from other churches in the area who help serve on a temporary basis, usually just at the monthly preview services and at the grand opening. After the church starts they return to their own church.
I ended up starting three churches so I went through this process multiple times. I learned to prepare for it after the first experience and how to better deal with it. Here are three lessons I learned that I hope will help you on your journey:
Don’t Beat Yourself Up When People Leave
Whenever people left our church I took it personally. I thought it was a reflection on my leadership ability and maybe it was but I needed to learn to not beat myself up when people left. Early on I tried to hold onto people and even begged one person not to leave. I learned it is better to bless people as they go. You can’t effectively lead those who don’t want to be on your team. Move with the movers and trust God to lead those who leave to a church where they fit better.
Don’t Believe The Fallacy That Good People Can’t Be Replaced
Whenever a key player would leave my team I would panic. Who is going to replace this star player? In the beginning I thought nobody could replace them. Some of the hardest losses were people who were tithers. Not only did the church lose the service of these gifted people but it also took a hit financially. I needed to change my perspective from one of scarcity to abundance. I needed to increase my faith and believe God could and would replace those who left. I learned that there are good people all around me and saw God replace what I thought was irreplaceable.
Do Appreciate Those Who Were Briefly With You
The wise sage Solomon said, “There is a season for everything, and a time for every event under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). There is a season when a unique person is needed to help the leader succeed. This is especially true at the beginning of a church plant. God brings highly skilled people to help the church get to the next level that would not have been possible without them. These people travel with the leader for just a season and then move on. I learned to let them go gracefully. I realized that some of them needed to play that role for other leaders.
It’s never any fun seeing people leave for whatever reason. It hurts. I miss many of them. I hope they miss me too. I never want to get to a point where it doesn’t hurt. The good news is some people will stay! And for that I am extremely grateful. These people will charge hell with you with a squirt gun! Celebrate these people. Love these people. Appreciate these people. Reward these people. Treasure these people. They will always have a special place in my heart.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
THE 4 LEGS OF MARRIAGE
THE 4 LEGS OF MARRIAGE
By Mark Driscoll
The next time you sit in a chair with four legs, consider how unstable it would be with only one, two, or three legs.
Marriage is like that. For a marriage to be stable, secure, and solid, it needs four legs. Anything less, and the marriage starts to fall over and crash.
Grace and I are very honored and excited to be teaching at the Real Marriage event tonight and tomorrow. We don’t pretend to have gotten it all right the first time, but we do find great joy in helping both singles and couples prepare for married life.
For a marriage to be stable, secure, and solid, it needs four legs.
Over the years, we’ve done a number of marriage events, but with five kids, a church, and the demands of life we just cannot spend much time away from home, even though we want to help as many people as we can. Subsequently, we are thankful for the opportunity that technology provides to serve people in any place from one place.
In addition to fielding live questions during the event from people joining us live and online, we will be teaching four sessions, talking about couples as worshipers, lovers, friends, and legacy-makers. These are the four proverbial legs on the chair.
1. WORSHIPERS
The foundation of everything, including marriage, is worship. It cannot be overstated how vital it is that a couple approaching marriage or in marriage worship God together, because your marriage exists ultimately for God’s glory.
However, Satan attacks marriage and has since the beginning. In fact, the Bible opens with a wedding and quickly moves to a war, as Satan did not even show up until after our first parents were married. The reason that Satan so hates Christian marriage is because it is supposed to be a reflection of the gospel, since Jesus loves the church like a groom loves his bride. However, when the Enemy shows up, it is not uncommon for a couple to forget his work and think that their spouse is their enemy, rather than remembering that their spouse is their ally in a war against their Enemy.
The foundation of everything, including marriage, is worship.
Because we both are worshipers and sinners, we are prone to be idolaters. When this happens, a good thing (like marriage or a spouse) becomes a god thing, which is a bad thing. Marriage is not heaven. Your spouse is not your savior. And if the glory goes to the husband or the wife instead of Jesus, it will crush them, because it is too heavy to endure.
On a scale of 1–10, how are you and your spouse or fiancé as worshipers?
2. LOVERS
Before sin entered the world, there was sex. It was without sin and without shame (Gen. 2:18–25). In God’s design, marriage is for one man and one woman. And your standard of beauty is supposed to be your spouse, which helps safeguard against coveting, lusting, and adulterating.
Once sin enters the world, sex is prone to be seen as a god or gross.
Those who see sex as a god are consumed by it, addicted to it, and ruled by it. Pornography is fuel for this forest fire that is burning down marriages at an unprecedented rate. Sex as God is dominant in the world.
Marriage is not heaven. Your spouse is not your savior.
Those who see sex as gross are often thinking about how gross “sex as god” is, but they forget sex as the real God intended it and redeemed it. Sex as gross is dominant in the church.
The answer to sex as god or gross is to see sex as a gift (1 Cor. 7:3–5). God gives us this gift for a variety of reasons, including pleasure, children, knowledge, protection, comfort, and oneness.
On a scale of 1–10, how are you and your spouse as lovers?
3. FRIENDS
To say that God is Trinitarian is to say that God is a Friend who has Friends. To say that we were made in God’s image is to say that we were made to be a friend and have friends. This is why, even though sin had not yet entered the world, God said it was not good for us to be alone (Gen. 2:18). His answer for our loneliness was a friend called a spouse.
This concept is almost entirely missing in every one of the 187 marriage books that Grace and I opened in preparation for writingReal Marriage. However, we believe that friendship is incredibly vital to marriage. This concept of friendship, and what it is and is not, has transformed our marriage. We often stress to our children, singles in our church, and married couples we know that friendship with your spouse (or potential spouse) is absolutely essential. A friendship is like a garden: it has to be planted, tended, nourished, and weeded for it to be fruitful and alive.
On a scale of 1–10, how are you and your spouse or fiancé as friends?
4. LEGACY-MAKERS
The first day of marriage is incredibly important. But the last day of marriage is the most important.
Will you still be married? Will you be friends? Will you look back on your life with your spouse smiling or weeping?
Proverbs 13:22 says, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children” (NIV). What kind of legacy will you leave maritally, spiritually, and financially? Do you have a plan to leave a godly legacy?
A friendship is like a garden: it has to be planted, tended, nourished, and weeded for it to be fruitful and alive.
There are days in every marriage where we are ready to throw our hands in the air, throw our towel in the ring, and throw wisdom to the side. On those days when folly is near, we need to keep wisdom on our horizon and keep walking toward the future that God has given us a vision for.
On a scale of 1–10, how are you and your spouse or fiancé as legacy-makers?
Monday, February 24, 2014
Wise words from wisest woman I know. By grandmother
More the a musician. ..
It's been a long road. But I'm so ecstatic to say I finally out of the mold. Broken free. I've always known my capacity and purpose....but I'm able to be respected and valued for the business acumen God has blessed me with more than the notes I play.
I've heard often of musicians feeling as though they were just an "organ monkey". I never gave much credence to the stance. Until the last 12 years. It is cool to be thought of as a decent or at least an average musician....but if that's all you ever are....is that really enough for you? Never was for me. Music is and has always been a passion but only a stepping stone to more meaningful pursuits.
What has been the most difficult is the scores of people that will never see me as anything but an "organ monkey".
I encourage you to never let others define your level of ascension. Never let what others perception of what you have to offer dictate what you give. Never take the price tag others hang on you as your actual value you assign to yourself. Others may see your capabilities limited at the most menial of tasks.....never let that stop you from seeing who you really are....destined for a life of significance....a life that matters......now go and live that out.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Capacity
Maximum capacity....
Exactly what is our capacity? Have you ever felt like you've had "enough"? When everyone else seems to be happy with life as it is? A ever growing rumble of discontentment? Not sure why because everyone says you are fortunate? But itlike it's all just stale? Feel as if you're settling? Everyone says you should be thankful and you're being ungrateful. Could be your job, your relationship, your marriage, your church, your friendships....even your house or city you live in.
I'm going to be transparent about my own experience. For this purpose you should know I am not religious but I am in a relationship with God. I am not a christian by choice....I am a disciple of His by destiny. So do understand there will not be religious rhetoric but I will refer to the way my life is governed by His principles. (No worries if this confuses you. Most christians don't get it either.)
I've always known that I was meant for more. To make a difference in millions of lives. Although never encouraged as a child by a bitter single mom, my grandmother encouraged my big dreams. But with every accomplishment and every misstep...I knew there was more. I found purpose as a minister of minister for several ministries in my lifetime. Unfortunately I have discovered that with every ministry I have been blessed to be a part of, there has always been an overwhelming tendency of those working with me to assume that I had arrived to stay. I tend to believe that most in ministry, instead of seeing people with gifts and talents as trees to be cultivated, grown, and sent out to replicate.....they see them as wood to be cut down to build up their vision and dreams.
Here's a little nugget: If the departure of any one person would cause any discomfort in your business, church or organization....you have placed too much weight on that one beam. They should never be a load bearing wall....but a tree in a forest of flourishing people....providing shade and fruit.
But I disgress, I have been on this road of uncommon destiny for a decade now. I'm used to not being understood. The unrest in my belly has been building for 15 years. Its to the point that I can't physically stomach mediocrity. I prefer not to have any conversations with the small minded. It feels as if I'm dishonoring the minutes of life God gives me by wasting it with those that choose to remain superficial. I'm of two minds about it all. I recognize that I must extend grace to those that don't quite "get it" yet because there's a whole heap of things I don't "get" yet. But where is the point where you start sacrificing your purpose, destiny and dreams to stay stuck in the mediocre crap heap that everyone else seems perfectly happy to wallow in? God plainly said to me, "Enough is enough...time to move and stop being their crutch." So I did.
The Bible says in Joshua 24:15 (KJV)
15 "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
The generally accepted interpretation of this scripture is "choose between the devil and God". But that's the lazy interpretation of someone who doesn't want to be accountable for their own life. "gods" is lowercase because people serve all sorts of gods. Including christians. I will not serve anyone else's "god" of interpretation of what "church" looks like. I will not serve a denomination. I will not serve theology. I will not serve popularity. Not a hot band. Not having a great sounding praise team. Or a hype service. Nor emotional junkies. All "gods". Whether we want to admit it or not.....they are. I will not serve the god of fundraising.
Quite simply, how can I claim to serve the all powerful God, claim special access to Him, say I am an overcome (as a black man and a christian); say I am made in the likeness of a God of abundance and live in abject poverty (less than 60k a year) and a life of insignificance? And be surrounded by people who actually think that's ok? I cant. I wont. Not any longer. I can't look my daughters in the eyes and expect any better of their future husbands. Any one with any common sense can't do the same....not honestly.
I've been blessed to acquire relationships with people that share my discomfort with the ordinary. I am so excited to move into the unknown with them. I love those I've had to disconnect from. But they've made their decision by their actions. I will always have an extended hand to help them up. But I will not help decorate a house built in the squallor of mediocrity.
I refuse. I will not disappoint God by misrepresenting Him. He is love. So will I be. He is grace. So will I be. He lives in abundance which He shares with others.....so will I. He has destined me for a life of significance on a global scale.....solely for one purpose.....to show the world what is possible with the kid that made all the wrong choices....told he would never amount to anything....and written off by all.....
I refuse to live and die....nothing more than a great musician.....good organist.....good producer....good preacher....good friend....Good dad.....a good church member.....i was meant for more....so much more. The word christian means "Christ like". Its a cliche nowadays. A catch phrase. What it really means is to experience what Christ experienced here.
The Bible says in Matthew 5: 10-12
10 “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.
11-12 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."
Seems to me...I'm on the right course. Because I have reached my capacity for mediocrity. And the only ones upset are the ones my gifts are no longer availiable to. It's called sifting.....separating the wheat from the tares.
The ones that see my destiny applaud my growth and having been pushing me to move....and there's the other group.
Real talk....it might be time for you to take inventory and dare to be about the faith you've been singing and spewing but not living. Find out who's really about you reaching your destiny or about you reaching into your pocket to fill theirs.
Are you at your maximum capacity for mediocrity?
Happy singles awareness day
The Better Sex
One of my magazine contributors published this article a few weeks ago and I thought it would be beneficial to those who don't subscribe to any of my publications. She shares her own personal experiences and benefits of Pilates which I am also embarking on due to my obsessive compulsion to have a great body well into my 90s.
(I provided scriptures for the uptight, medicretional religious types that avoid any conversation about sex or exercise like they avoid the gym...btw, I'm a christian and they irritate me too!)
Hebrews 13:4 - "Marriage [is] honourable in all, <u><strong>and the bed undefiled</strong></u>: "
1 Corinthians 6:19 - "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, <u><strong>and ye are not your own</strong></u>?"
1 Corinthians 7:4-14 (NKJV)
4 "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.5 Do not deprive one another..."
The Better Sex Exercise
by Taylor Oakes
Pilates can rev your sex life. Many of the practice’s poses target the muscles women rely on between the sheets—hip flexors, glutes, inner and outer thighs, and core. Pilates strengthens these key spots, enhancing your endurance, stability, and flexibility, all of which help to control your body so you can find and maintain the positions that feel best.
I started doing pilates about 8 years ago. I started initially in hopes of combating the pain and misalignment from my scoliosis. I was young though and my mind definitely wasn’t super focused on my health and fitness – so I didn’t take it too seriously.
As I let my fitness slip, my back started to worsen. I couldn’t sleep at night & I never felt “straight”. I always joked around and told my friends I was squiggly…but it wasn’t far from the truth. It really hit me when it actually started effecting my sex life. My hips would be so out of line that certain movements would legitimately knock the wind out of me from the inside out.
And nothing is sexier than being doubled over in pain, trying not to throw up.
That year I really accepted that though my scoliosis didn’t require surgery, it was severe enough to change my day to day life, it’s life long….and I shouldn’t ignore it any more. So I stopped.
I’ve never been a huge fan of fitness, largely because of feeling “squiggly”. When your hips and shoulders and back aren’t lined up, everything feels wrong. Running feels like I’m skipping because I can feel a difference between landing on my left foot and my right. Lifting weights made me feel like my shoulders were going to fly off because of the hyper mobility in my joints. For a long time I had various personal trainers who would try and help me exercise traditionally – but they didn’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, they understood I had limitations – but didn’t understand that struggling to do flies with 5lb weights just wasn’t for me – my body needed something different.
I turned to focusing on pilates and 6 years later I’ve never looked back. I was able to go slow, but still get an incredible burn. The security in the movements and design of the equipment allowed me to build muscle I never though I could.
And as an added little bonus, it really improved my sex life. Not only am I pain free, but I’m strong. You see those people hanging from the machines that somewhat resemble medieval torture devices? Ya well…that translates.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-15-05.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-15-05.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-15-05.png" /></a>
I don’t say that as some sort of “flexibility” entendre (well..maybe a little) – but more so that your core is constantly working and strengthening – and so your pelvic floor is as well. And if you have no idea what that is or how it applies, lady you’ve got some googling to do.
“Where’s the freaking work out?”
Sorry, sorry…I rambled. Okay so not everyone has access to pilates reformers and cadilacs and the other crazy/awesome machines – but that doesn’t mean you can’t do these moves at home! So here are some fabulous at-home pilates exercises that will give you a great burn and actually improve your sex life.
Quick Definitions: Neutral Spine vs. Imprinted Spine
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-15-57.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-15-57.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-15-57.png" /></a>
1) Shoulder Bridge
This is #1 on my list for a reason. It seems super simple, and it is, but also incredibly effective and versatile.
Lie on your back in neutral spine, with your knees bent and feet on the floor. Your legs are hip distance and parallel. Your arms are extended along your sides. Press the backs of your arms into the mat. Inhale: Press down through your feet to lengthen your spine and press you hips up. Come to a bridge position on your shoulders with your knees, hips and shoulders in one line. Exhale: and lower down – returning to neutral spine. That’s one rep. (Yes it does look like you’re humping the air. So if you feel slightly embarrassed – you’re probably doing it right)
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-16-12.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-16-12.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-16-12.png" /></a>
2) One Legged Bridge
Following the same steps as above, laying in neutral spine, you will bring one leg up into a table top position. Keeping one foot planted on the floor and the other leg at 90 degrees, rise up into that bridge position on the inhale and lower down on the exhale. Repeat for both legs.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-16-40.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-16-40.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-16-40.png" /></a>
2b) One-Legged Bridge Modification
Following the same steps as above, laying in neutral spine, you will straighten one leg so that it is parallel to the floor. For added tension, place a ball between your knees and squeeze. Keeping one foot planted on the floor and the other fully extended, rise up into that bridge position on the inhale and lower down on the exhale. Repeat for both legs.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-17-08.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-17-08.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-17-08.png" /></a>
3) Hamstring Curl
Start by lying flat on your back with an exercise ball under your heels. Bridge your hips up and hold that position through the entire exercise. Flex your feet and dig your heels into the ball. Place your arms straight out to your side for support — don’t use them, though; they are just for support. Slowly roll the ball toward your body as you curl your heels. Keep your hips in the bridge position; don’t thrust them toward the ceiling as you do the move. Then slowly return to the start position (straight legs, hips bridged) to complete one rep
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-17-45.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-17-45.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-17-45.png" /></a>
4) Straight Leg Bridge
Start by lying on your back with your feet on the ball. You want your legs to be straight and the ball to be under your heels. Inhale as you rock your pelvis towards your tailbone, and then exhale as you engage your lower abdomen and rock the pelvis towards the belly button. Then continue to lift the pelvis into the air one vertebra at a time until you are resting on your head neck and shoulders. Inhale at the top and then exhale as you lower your spine to the ground releasing each vertebra individually.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-10.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-18-10.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-10.png" /></a>
5) The Clam
Lie on one side with knees bent. Place your bottom hand underneath your head for support, and your top hand just in front of your chest. “Clamp” your feet together (like a clam – or a hinge) and slowly open and close your top knee while keeping your heels in contact. Focus on making sure the rest of your body remains completely still and stable.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-25.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-18-25.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-25.png" /></a>
6) Roll Ups
Lie with your legs straight, feet flexed, and arms extended above your chest. Keeping your arms straight, brace your core and slowly roll your shoulders and upper body off the ground, lifting one vertebra at a time, until you’re sitting up. Bring your chin to your chest and slowly roll back down to start. That’s one rep.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-51.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-18-51.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-18-51.png" /></a>
7) Teaser
This can be a more advanced move, depending on where you are with your overall fitness & core strength. So I’ve included three levels.
Beginner: Lie on your back with knees bent to a 90-degree angle & arms extended overhead. Tighten your abs as you inhale and lift arms up and over head. Exhale and swing arms forward. Pause at the top before exhaling and lowering into the original position. That’s one rep
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-19-05.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-19-05.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-19-05.png" /></a>
Intermediate: Lie on your back with knees bent to a 90-degree angle and feet lifted. Tighten your abs as you inhale and lift arms up and over head. Exhale and swing arms forward, straightening legs so your body forms a V. If needed, put hands on the floor for support. Roll down slowly, bending knees and bringing arms overhead. Pause at the top before exhaling and lowering into the original position. For an added bonus, lower and lift your legs for 3 pulses while you are at the top before returning to the original position.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-19-37.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-19-37.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-19-37.png" /></a>
Advanced: Lie on your back with your arms and legs fully extended. Tighten your abs as you inhale, lifting your arms overhead and legs straight up simultaneously into that v sit. For an added bonus, lower and lift your legs for 3 pulses while you are at the top before returning to the original position. That’s one rep.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-20-31.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-20-31.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-20-31.png" /></a>
(this is the best picture I could find)
You can incorporate these moves into other workouts you’re doing, or you can combine them all together for a mini workout of their own. I’ve outlined one for you below.
<a href="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-20-59.png"><img title="2014-02-14-19-20-59.png" class="alignnone size-full" alt="image" src="http://gapimpletonblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-2014-02-14-19-20-59.png" /></a>
Friday, February 21, 2014
I’ve been divorced four times, but homosexuals are the ones destroying marriage
Last night, someone emailed and asked me to write about the gay marriage case in Virginia. This morning, a woman from Wisconsin asked if I would blog about the gay marriage case in her state. A few readers in Utah have also requested that I chime in on the gay marriage fight there.
And so I was going to do just that. I sat down to type a scathing rant about gay marriage. I sat down to tell the world that gay marriage is the greatest threat to the sanctity of marriage.
But then I remembered this:
That’s a sign I saw on the side of the road a little while back. Divorce for sale! Only 129 dollars! Get ‘em while they’re hot!
And then I remembered an article I read last week about the new phenomenon of “divorce parties.” Divorced is the new single, the divorce party planner tells us.
And then I remembered another article claiming that the divorce rate is climbing because the economy is recovering. Now that things are getting a little better, we can finally splurge on that divorce we’ve always wanted!
And then I remembered that – ebbs and flows notwithstanding – there is one divorce every 13 seconds, or over 46,000 divorces a week in this country. And then I remembered that, although the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic can be misleading, we’re still in a situation where there are half as many divorces as there are marriages in a single year.
And then I remembered no-fault divorce. I remembered that marriage is the ONLY LEGAL CONTRACT A PERSON CAN BREAK WITHOUT THE OTHER PARTY’S CONSENT AND WITHOUT FACING ANY LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS.
Sorry to scream at you.
But I remembered that marriage has for decades been, from a legal perspective, the least meaningful, least stable, and least protected contract in existence, and I think this fact should be emphasized.
And then I remembered how many Christian churches gave up on marriage long ago, allowing their flock to divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry, and each time permitting the charade of “vows” to take place on their altars. And then I remembered that churches CAN lower the divorce rate simply by taking a consistent position on it — which is why practicing Catholics are significantly less likely to break up — but many refuse because they are cowards begging for the world’s approval.
And then I remembered that over 40 percent of America’s children are growing up without a father in the home. And then I remembered that close to half of all children will witness the breakdown of their parent’s marriage. Half of that half will also have the pleasure of watching a second marriage fall apart.
And then I remembered that more and more young people are opting out of marriage because the previous generation was so bad at it that they’ve scared their kids away from the institution entirely.
I remembered all of these things, and I decided to instead write about the most urgent threat to the sanctity of marriage.
Divorce.
Divorces are as common as flat tires, and they often happen for reasons nearly as frivolous.
The institution of marriage is crumbling beneath us; it’s under attack, it’s mortally wounded, it’s sprawled out on the pavement with bullet wounds in its back, coughing up blood and gasping for breath. And guess who did this? It wasn’t Perez Hilton or Elton John, I can tell you that.
This is the work of divorce.
I am an opponent of gay marriage, but we here in the “sanctity of marriage” camp are tragically too afraid to approach the thing that is destroying marriage faster than anything else ever could. Gay marriage removes from marriage its procreative characteristic, but rampant divorce takes away its permanent characteristic. It makes no sense to concentrate all of our energy on the former while all but ignoring the latter.
To make matters worse, some of the loudest mouth pieces for “traditional marriage” in media and politics are bigamists, adulterers, and men with two, three, or four ex-wives. It’s not that you can’t defend the sanctity of marriage when you have been divorced multiple times, it’s just that you have zero credibility on the subject.
If you beat and abuse your children so badly that they have to be removed from you, you could, I suppose, still complain if you found out that your kids are also being mistreated in their foster home. But your anger must first be directed at yourself, because it is YOUR FAULT that they are suffering in this way.
So whose fault is it that the institution of marriage is beaten and broken? I don’t think we want to contemplate that question, for fear that we might see ourselves in the answer.
Should laws be written to “defend marriage”? Sure, and let’s start with legislation to make divorces at least somewhat harder to obtain than a magazine subscription. How serious are we about this? Anyone up for a law to criminalize adultery? What about putting some restrictions on re-marriage?
There are certainly times when a couple has no choice but to go their separate ways. What else can you do in cases of serial abuse or serial adultery, or when one party simply abandons the other? But infidelity and abuse do not explain the majority of divorces in this country, and they are not the leading causes of break-ups. According to these “experts,” the top causes of divorce are a lack of individual identity, “getting into it for the wrong reasons,” and “becoming lost in the roles.” A survey done by the National Fatherhood Institute found lack of communication, and finances to be the leading culprits. An article in The Examiner also cites finances as the most potent divorce-fuel.
In other words, these days marriages can be blown apart by the slightest gust of wind, coming from any direction, and for any reason. Noticeably absent from all of these polls about the reasons for divorce: gay marriage.
That’s because gay marriage is not the biggest threat to marriage.
We are.
We are, when we vow on our very souls to stand by someone for the rest of our lives, until death do us part, only to let financial troubles and communication difficulties dissolve that union we forged before God. We are, when we forget about those Biblical readings we picked out for our wedding service:
My lover belongs to me and I to him.
He says to me:
“Set me as a seal on your heart,
as a seal on your arm;
For stern as death is love,
relentless as the nether world is devotion;
its flames are a blazing fire.
Deep waters cannot quench love,
nor floods sweep it away.”
For stern as death is love.
When we marry, we die. Our old selves die, and we are born anew into each other; into the unbreakable marital bond.
We are a threat to the sanctity of marriage when we let our selfishness fool us into thinking that our wedding vows weren’t that serious.
Indeed, despite popular sentiment, they were serious. They are serious. They’re as serious as death.
The struggle to protect marriage is also serious. It’s an important battle.
So maybe it’s time we actually start fighting it.
*NOTE. To answer your questions: no, I have not actually been divorced four times. I’ve been married once. The title was tongue-in-cheek. I was writing it from the perspective of the sorts of people who rant about the sanctity of marriage, yet have racked up multiple ex-spouses. Perhaps I should have been more clear about this. In any case, there it is. I appreciate your concern.
